March 22, 2025
“Most of the time, I was anxious about the future and frustrated about my past. You know what I noticed about being in that state? My past would repeat itself. My past would become my future, and that is how cycles perpetuate in our lives and through generation’s.”
Good morning!
As my Spring Break vacation comes to a close with my daughter, I have been doing a lot of reflecting on our experiences this week. It has been wonderful and I am so thankful. It was a little bit of everything that I love. It was family, food, shopping, great conversation’s and new experiences.
Yesterday, I decided to really commit to following my own excitement, without guilt, shame, or judgment. Lately, I have been noticing how much I judge my own decision’s. I made a promise to myself to be more aware of my habitual thoughts and man, I am judgey. Mostly of myself. I criticize everything that I do and it seemingly get’s louder as I get older.
It’s interesting how momentous that type of behavior can be. My thought patterns became so familiar, I believed everything I was telling myself. I realized that, my habit’s are just thoughts I continue to think and in order to change those habits, I needed to, first, change my habitual thoughts.
It seem’s the valuable key’s to change are awareness, presence, and the courage to tell yourself a different story and act on it.
I took Ayva kayaking yesterday. It was her first experience and it’s honestly been years since I got into a kayak. Like I said earlier, I was just following the thread of excitement within myself. I’ve always loved being in the water. I steered the kayak and she enjoyed the new experience. It actually felt new for both of us. We laughed the entire time and she made, “Moana” references about being the official navigator of the kayak. It was great and I thought to myself, “I want to have more experiences like these with her. Where it is new and awkward for both of us and yet, it sparks excitement, curiosity and fun within us.”
If I really think about it, I haven’t allowed myself the pleasure of play. I have been in survival mode most of my life. I have been conditioned into it and have had experiences to validate it. While the skill’s I have accumulated in that state are valuable, it is not necessary one hundred percent of the time. I would have a hard time enjoying the present moment because my mind wanted to warn me about what was going to happen next. Most of the time, I was anxious about the future and frustrated about my past. You know what I noticed about being in that state? My past would repeat itself. My past would become my future, and that is how cycles perpetuate in our lives and through generation’s.
One of my goals, is to become a centennial. I love the idea of being an old woman with an incredible amount of experience and wisdom to share. I realized that, I wouldn’t be able to fulfill that goal living in survival mode. The cortisol build up would kill me way before then. I want to enjoy every part of my life moving forward. I want to seek the energy of play in everything that I do. I want to do it without guilt, shame and fear and I understand that it begins with me. It requires quieting the judgment that begins in my own mind, because the only thing that really matters, is the stories I tell myself, about myself. To hold anyone else’s opinion above my own is a recipe for living an unfulfilled life. Moving forward, my plan is to continue to quiet the negative stories and turn up the volume on the stories that encourage me to live a fulfilling, abundant and peaceful life.
With that said, I pray you choose to engage in playfulness in your own life.
I pray that you recognize that you are deserving of play.
And, I pray that you choose to tell more loving stories about yourself, to yourself.
Living a fulfilled life always begins with you.
Love always,
Ariel